I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
