Kiss
Puke
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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