there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
