Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I need moral support for this bender
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
