i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
