i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
