I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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