I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
