Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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