I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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