My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
