He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Acid is not a monday night drug
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
