Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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