I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
