My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
