well you can't waste a boner
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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