Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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