how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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