Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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