Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
