I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
