Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
