There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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