They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
