Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
