The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
