You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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