It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
