went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
