So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
