Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
