exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
