you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
