My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
