Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
