There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
