I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
