She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
