Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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