My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
