Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
