I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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