she was so not down for the gang bang
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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