I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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