Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
