over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
