connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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