Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
