Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
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