Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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